my story, your story

so here's the thing. you think you'll never stop crying. you think you'll never feel good enough. you think that everything's a part of this horrible pattern that makes up your life. you think nothing will ever change. 

and then one day, you change. you wake up one morning and that pervasive sadness is just kind of gone. you think about him and you can't for the life of you remember what it was like to be in love with him or what you even liked about him. you walk through life and one day, you think, you know? i am good enough. and you're kind of surprised it took you this long, and you realize that no matter how easy it is to hate yourself...it is so much better to love yourself. 

and you know the best part, darling? you don't need him. you wake up one day alone in your bed and you realize this is what you needed all along, JUST YOU

so here's to you. here's to realizing your good enough, and that no one else needs to realize and tell you for you to know. 

how i made him feel

I’m in love with a girl who’s in love with the world

and I can’t help but follow

though I know someday she is bound to go away

and stay over the rainbow

gotta learn how to let her go

over the rainbow 

graduating

It all ended two days ago,

and I'm at a loss as to where to begin again.

I'm happy that it is over,

I've been waiting a long time for college to be over.

But now, I haven't a plan.

I always have a plan.

But I think not having one suits me well.

I have possibilities in the works though.

1. Find a job that I really, really enjoy 

2. Join the Peace Corps

3. Work on writing my book a little every day.

(I made a decent dent in it today!)

4. Get a puppy.

5. Plan travel trips to visit friends around the U.S.

6. Save earnings for 'My Grand Paris Adventure!'

7. Learn how to make Chocolate Pecan pie

8. Redecorate my room

9. Move to Mexico, permanently

10. (Fall in love)

The last is in parenthesis because I barely dare to hope.

I want to be content just living my life in my long skirts and bare feet,

a little puppy trailing behind me,

and a diary full of dreams in my hands.

Yes, that's the life I want.

Here I go to live it.

Wish me luck.

dear future graduates,

it is normal to feel worried about the future, but with that in mind, please remember that while it is normal for those thoughts to cross your mind, there is absolutely nothing good that can come from dwelling on your negative or scary worries about the future.

do what you can do today, and then let it be done. when you wake up in the morning- greet the day with a smile and decide to do all that you can do in that day, and let that be enough. because you know what? you cant do anything more than ALL you can do. and to worry about anything beyond that will only bring you misery and frustration.

remember that there was a time that you worried that you wouldn't make it through the next day? and you always did. you are here, arent you?

wouldnt it be oh-so-much more wonderful to live each day to its fullest, doing your very best, and then let it go? everything will work out in the way it should, and all we can do is all we can do. and we can do it with a smile, with a spring in our step, and with hope in the future if we choose to do so.

let the worries go fellow graduates, it is gonna work out.  

new baby

there's this girl at the farmer's market who I secretly think is so cool.
she sells herbs.
she knows all there is to know about her plants, and loves them to death.
today I heard her fuss at someone for planting their purple basil in too small of a pot.
anyway, a while back I bought a plant from her and now it's dead. 
I guess that traveling, maybe? 
or I'm just a bad mother?
well that's okay because now I've got a new baby.
a stevia plant!
took it right home and gave it a pretty little terra cotta bed. I hope it's happy here.
someone help me keep this guy alive. I really want to be good at gardening.

taught and think

“Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: 

if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.

 every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. 

but sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. 

and maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. 

maybe the happy ending is just moving on. 

or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment… you never gave up hope.”