dear future graduates,

it is normal to feel worried about the future, but with that in mind, please remember that while it is normal for those thoughts to cross your mind, there is absolutely nothing good that can come from dwelling on your negative or scary worries about the future.

do what you can do today, and then let it be done. when you wake up in the morning- greet the day with a smile and decide to do all that you can do in that day, and let that be enough. because you know what? you cant do anything more than ALL you can do. and to worry about anything beyond that will only bring you misery and frustration.

remember that there was a time that you worried that you wouldn't make it through the next day? and you always did. you are here, arent you?

wouldnt it be oh-so-much more wonderful to live each day to its fullest, doing your very best, and then let it go? everything will work out in the way it should, and all we can do is all we can do. and we can do it with a smile, with a spring in our step, and with hope in the future if we choose to do so.

let the worries go fellow graduates, it is gonna work out.  

new baby

there's this girl at the farmer's market who I secretly think is so cool.
she sells herbs.
she knows all there is to know about her plants, and loves them to death.
today I heard her fuss at someone for planting their purple basil in too small of a pot.
anyway, a while back I bought a plant from her and now it's dead. 
I guess that traveling, maybe? 
or I'm just a bad mother?
well that's okay because now I've got a new baby.
a stevia plant!
took it right home and gave it a pretty little terra cotta bed. I hope it's happy here.
someone help me keep this guy alive. I really want to be good at gardening.

taught and think

“Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: 

if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.

 every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. 

but sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. 

and maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. 

maybe the happy ending is just moving on. 

or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment… you never gave up hope.”

After Graduation plans…

I have none. I just want to wander and zigzag and tiptoe around the world for a while, and scratch it and vacuum goodness from it, to the greatest quantity I can possibly gather and grasp, just forget about success and the future and trying to `shape my life' and figure out the “meaning of it” and just do what really matters to me, my personal thing, my pretties, which is everything! i mean everything, including, playing with our Creators children in other countries, living in huts, falling in love like romeo and juliet, star gazing, the feeling of running, Disneyland, a mislaid book, a weary traveler, the color pink, coffee in a sparkly mug, and the energy emanating from the body of a person in love.
I just want to be allowed to do whatever i want.. many might see it as a personal weakness but i cannot for the life of me satisfy myself with thoughts of something better, whilst doing something i loathe. if i have a mind-numbing, depressing job, i can't be happy knowing that later, i can read, i can collapse on the floor or cry for no reason if i want. i have to be able to do whatever i want, when i want. this is all i really want. I just want to be happy, and I think that is the best way to live the life God gave you, being happy and serving Him.

His children

Spending my Easter in Mexico was exactly what I needed. Those children bring me more joy than anything or anyone, I have never loved someone as much as I love Jeidy and the other precious boys and girls there. Their pain and their suffering and the hardest deepest parts of their lives are why I love them so unconditionally. And when I think about it, I realize that this is how God feels about them, His children. And then i'm like, oh snap! I'm one of His children. So my sin, pain, suffering, deep heart ache, mistakes, all of it, doesn't matter to Him, he loves me. And for the first time in my entire life, I think I finally comprehend His love!

letter to my little jeidy

to my perfect, precious, beautiful, nina bonita, i love you & everything will be okay, i miss you dearly & keep you so close to my heart. & i know it might hurt so bad now but we’re strong (YOU are strong) you are four and stronger than me, I am so proud of you Jeidy & we will be okay. & yes things will be hard but that’s okay. & yes we’ll change but that’s okay. if i could hold you in my arms & whisper beautiful things into your ears forever i would. I would hold you so tight you’d feel safe. if i could change this all i would. reverse the 4 years of your life & change it from the start. i can’t, you can’t, we can’t. so here is my shoulder you can cry all you want. i’ll never let you go & i'll never stop being there. everything will be okay. you are a beautiful creature. God loves you so much and i know you are safe in his arms. i love you my little mono & will always be here for you.

heart

dear heart,

So there's this guy that you want me to like but i don't want to, so can you please stop beating so fast when he comes by or texts me.

.