be what i wanna be

Conversation between me and a friend:

Me: I wanna figure out what i want to be..


Her: For what, halloween?


Me: No, like for life.


Us: Hahahahahahhaha

During this specific holiday that is coming up, no not my birthday, however that is important, but I'm speaking of Halloween it is so common for kids and adults to play dress up and buy costumes. When I was a little girl one year I was a princess, the next three years I was a doctor, the next year I was a fairy, and this list continued. And I am beginning to think that my choosing of my costume had much to do with what I wanted to be in life, now this is not to say that since last year I was a mermaid that I still want to be a mermaid at age 20, let's not be extreme. But I do believe that children often would love to be what they dress up as on October 31st, hence all the batman and superman and princess costumes we see.

As Nas tells us:

Boys and girls, listen up

You can be anything in the world, in God we trust

An architect, doctor, maybe an actress

But nothing comes easy it takes much practice

I know I can

Be what I wanna be (

If I work hard at it

I'll be where I wanna be

(Look up the song cause all of it is great motivation)

today's prayer

Above All, Trust in the Slow Work of God

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.

We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay.

We should like to skip the intermediate stages.

We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new.

Yet it is the law of all progress that is made by passing through some stages of instability and that may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you. Your ideas mature gradually. Let them grow. Let them shape themselves without undue haste. Do not try to force them on as though you could be today what time-- that is to say, grace -- and circumstances acting on your own good will, will make you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new Spirit gradually forming in you will be. Give our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.

Above all, trust in the slow work of God, our loving vine-dresser.

Amen.

Author: Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

I read this prayer during devotions this morning and seriously got chills. I have been so badly wanting to rush everything in my life. I want to graduate, I want to find that perfect job, I want to have a dog, I want to find the right guy and even make the wrong boy the right one, I want to hurry everything because I see everyone else making life changing decisions, and I am not. But I do NOT think it was a coincidence that I read this prayer today, so I’m working on trusting in the slow work of God. I’m praying that I can be better at trusting and being patient to His plans for my life, because the outcome is always so beautiful and worthwhile.

just go for it

"You say I've been driving you crazy

and its keeping you away

So just give me one good reason

Tell me why I should stay

'Cause I dont wanna waste another moment

in saying things we never meant to say

And I Take it just a little bit

I, hold my breath and count to ten

I've been waiting for a chance to let you in

If I just breathe

Let it fill the space between

I'll know everything is alright

Breathe

Every little piece of me

You'll see

Everything is alright

If I just breathe

Well it's all so overrated

In not saying how you feel

So you end up watching chances fade

And wondering what's real"

Maybe it is time for me to just stop questioning and worrying and fighting it, and just let it happen, I don't want to lose another chance! I just want it to feel right, but Im tired of overanalyzing. Here's to me giving it my all and praying he's worth it this time.

friend,

There's a day when you realize that you're not just a survivior, you're a warrior.

You're tougher than anything life throws your way.

And you are friend, you are.

sunday verse

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done."

-Philippians 4:6

i worry

Sometimes, I worry that I'm not really a writer at all.

Just a silly girl with pencil smudges on her hands, and a collection of empty notebooks, pretending that she is a writer.

I think I do more than worry - I think I'm terrified that it is true.

By the way...

21 days till I'm 21