Monday, July 19, 2010

BEING YOU

Today I called a friend who i hadn't talked to in a long while. i was scared that we wouldn't be as close, but as soon as she answered it was as though the words just poured out of my heart, i apologized for being such a lousy friend and not keeping in touch. We both poured our hearts out to each other, trying to catch up on the last five months of our lives. The good, the bad, the ugly, the happy moments, the moments where we thought we wouldn't get through it, ALL of it. We laughed and we cried for each other. Then she said something to me that stuck out:

"Being yourself,
Makes you look
absolutely... Gorgeous."




I have been living in this world, where i've wanted to be anyone but me, where i thought i needed to be anyone but me. i was consumed with what people thought and how they viewed me. I know that it isnt right to have a "screw the world" mentality and that isnt what i am trying to say at all. But i realized that i began caring more about what people thought of me, then how God saw me. I wanted to not only be liked, but i wanted to be loved and admired. i wanted everyones approval, but by wanting this, i forgot whose really matters. and i know that hiding who i am and not being honest and trusting people is not what my God wants.

My friend said she always noticed that i was not a person who trusted easy. And i know there are many people with this same problem, but i want you to know IT IS OKAY TO BE YOU, not only is it okay but it is LOVELY! It is lovely to tell people who you are and share your sad scary happy challenging stories about your entire life with people who want to hear it. Because the people that want to hear it, they are worthy of your trust! And the ones that want to hear it, THEY WILL STAY! So learn to be happy with who you are and who God made you to be, because again, it is lovely! I am learning this- I am learning that anyone who cannot handle these stories, doesnt deserve to create any stories with you.

we need to wake every cell in our being. electrify every inch. light it up, light yourself from within. we must learn every inch of our bodies, inside and out. we must realize that every cell inside ourselves is unique and purely us. we must stand proudly because of this. we must let this pride fill the space in our marrow. we must let this marrow send this pride through out bones, veins, hair, skin. we will feel this pride and let it fill us with love for "i am proud of this being, this strong, unique, beautiful being!" this feeling will make our skin glow, our eyes shine bright. we must own, own our bones.


REMEMBER:
"Being yourself,
Makes you look
absolutely... Gorgeous."

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Changes

My summer has been an exciting, scary, happy, crazy, sad, overwhelming, blessing! I have grown so much in a matter of months, days, even in the past few hours. I use to be so angry at people in my life who just left, I use to be so hurt, but I realize that it is all part of life. So instead of being angry i have decided to be completely grateful to those who have impacted my life in even the smallest way. So i am saying thank you first love, thank you lady at the grocery store who smiled at me, thank you old friends in elementary school, thank you to anyone who has been in my life even for a second. YOU MATTERED!
Everything changes & it’s exciting & lovely & such an alluring part of life. everything happens for some reason. everything will work out & it will be such a beautiful ending to an adventurous tale. when things feel awful it’s hard to see the outcome. it’s hard to stay positive & stretch our limbs to the sky each day. people leave, we leave, & it’s always hard because you think: why didn’t they love me? what did i do wrong? do they care? what about me? & you let those questions, each question, hollow you out a little more until your body is the heaviest hollow there could be. you can feel the question, each question, ache in different parts. why didn’t they love me, how could they love someone more? it aches in your belly, keeps you from eating. what did i do wrong? your constant retelling of every moment spent together, analyzing, it aches your whole skull. do they care? the thought that they don’t care, that they don’t think about your needs or worries or wants, well that aches in all the limbs. these aches make us weak, they keep us in bed fearing sleep. they keep us from telephones, from computers, from friends. because ‘why did they leave, why did they leave me?’ we are self centered by nature. people exist in our lives because they are meant to. each person, lovely or awful. they exist for exactly the amount of time they should. they teach us things. little things, extraordinary things about ourselves, our lives, the everything around us. that doesn’t make it easier to say good bye. it doesn’t make it easier to think that they have finished their task, made you stronger, & we must be strong. we must be strong. you exist, & it is extraordinary.