I've got a MAJOR crush.

Oh yes its true! And I don't care who knows it! In fact, I want EVERYONE to know about this crush-my reason for smiling everyday, the cause of my pure happiness!

I don't think I can any longer use the phrase "newly single." Because it has been a few months now, but regardless, these past few months of receiving lots of attention from boys who declared their interest in me has been a blast, I am not going to lie. The free coffee, fancy dinners, pretty flowers, creative dates, kind words- ALL of it has been such a boost to my self esteem. (Time to get personal) This actually helped me regain confidence in myself after a wreckage that occurred this summer causing me to doubt everything I thought was good about me. Having someone tell you that 99% of what/who you are is not good enough can seriously make a person depressed.

But realizing what God can do in that wreckage is breathtaking! yes, the boys have made life fun and entertaining but the real reason why I have begun to feel beautiful once again is because of my new found crush, are you ready.... JESUS! Oh yes, I am mad crushing on Him, that's exactly what it feels like. And I feel beautiful because i realized that the definition of beautiful "is what God sees when God looks at me" (Redefining Beautiful) This relationship that I for so long never tried to strengthen has become the most important thing in my life. AND I LOVE IT. I love that I get excited when I am about to spend time with Jesus (devotions, worship), I love that I smile after hearing His every word (Reading the Bible), I love that when I talk about Him I get chills, I love that when I hear about his miracles I can't help but fall for Him more, I love that He makes me feel beautiful when I read about His grace and everlasting love for me, I love that I can trust Him with even my biggest secrets and know that He will always forgive me for my mistakes. I love that He makes me feel this way, so I guess you can call it more than a crush- it's TRUE LOVE! And I couldn't be happier, I actually don't think I have ever been this happy in my whole life!

I have a few friends who got out of long term relationships and decided to not date for a certain period of time (3 months, 6 months, a year, etc.) I considered doing this and just might, but I don't think I can really make that decision. You see, I am a strong believer in love, and because I was able to experience even a tiny bit of it at one time, I am an even STRONGER believer. Right now I am not looking for a love, because I have found comfort in my ONE true love, Jesus. But I am praying everyday for the man that God has for me, I am praying for his safety and his life and his happiness and his future. and I cannot put a restraint on when I will meet this man, it could've already happened or be tomorrow, or next week, or in 2 years, or in 5 years, but for now all that matters is that I am so comfortable and happy and thrilled to be madly crushing and falling in love with Jesus. I want my relationship with Him to thrive and thrive, making it the most beautiful, real, loving relationship in my life, always. I trust Him completely, so yes everyone, I've got a major crush, on Jesus!