I think it is safe to say that graduate is quickly approaching and after the second day of school I am already a stress case. I’ve been carrying a planner around since I was in the fifth grade. Yes, I was the girl who reminded her teacher when things were due and always had to "check my schedule" when I was 10, is that really surprising? And of course I LOVE my planner!
I carry it with me, inputting all of my activities. When I am uninterested in class I pull out my beloved planner and flip through the pages. I find comfort in knowing that maybe I am bored to tears in nutrition but:
- tomorrow's class is cancelled
- in three weeks it will be time for Vegas
- in two months I will be in Hawaii for Spring Break
- this weekend I will be going to my brother's going away party
No matter how unexciting the class is, I know I carry with me a happy distraction. My planner is always there as a little reminder that good things are in the future and there is always something to look forward to. Plus, the planner makes me efficient and responsible. I could time-manage like a corporate executive by 16. I knew what was coming, what was due, where to show up and what to bring.
The planner is a great tool for controlled environments. To this day, I think it is undoubtedly the best way to manage a schedule. For four years in high school my planner helped me keep control over due dates, assignments, events, and obligations. When I went started college I managed an even heavier schedule because of my trusty planner.
The problem is that the planner creates a façade of control. Truth is, it is really only an effective tool to manage the THINGS in life, NOT LIFE itself, and unfortunately I just realized this.
The realization of the “façade of the planner” started here….
I have been frantically speaking and thinking about how nervous I am to graduate in May.
The problem is that the planner creates a façade of control. Truth is, it is really only an effective tool to manage the THINGS in life, NOT LIFE itself, and unfortunately I just realized this.
The realization of the “façade of the planner” started here….
I have been frantically speaking and thinking about how nervous I am to graduate in May.
“What am I going to do after school?”
“Do you think this internship is going to hire me?”
“What do you think about Graduate School?”
“Where am I going to work?”
“What do I really want to do?”
“Am I going to be hired anywhere?”
“Do you think this internship is going to hire me?”
“What do you think about Graduate School?”
“Where am I going to work?”
“What do I really want to do?”
“Am I going to be hired anywhere?”
A million questions spill from my mouth and then I think how bizarre it seems that I am anxious about a time I should be looking forward too. A date in my planner that is highlighted and warranted happy faces and stars around it.
Two years ago my perspective on graduating meant, no more papers, projects, assignments or classes. Then, graduation represented freedom… Now, graduation is the frightening unknown.
My planner, where all my daily, weekly, monthly agenda fit so perfectly with times and places, well after May... it's pretty empty and that is the "What now" that I am freaking out about. It is when you flip open the planner and notice that dates have stopped filling up. When you don’t know what coming next, when you don't have to be doing something or don't know what it is your supposed to be doing. This is the scary part. This is called your 20’s…but for those of us who went to college, this realization is delayed until graduation. It’s not until the safety net of school is pulled away and we recognize that everything is no longer neatly laid out for us in a planner.
Initially this awareness is terrifying, I mean I'm totally not being dramatic when I say I am freaking out…but we should find comfort in the fact that, most 20something’s are all wandering around trying to find their own way too. Trying to figure out what it is we’re supposed to be filling our schedules with. Take comfort in knowing we are all together, you are not alone.
Being 20something is a time where we are forced to let go of the practice of living through our planners. We stop using them as a crutch and we see where the future takes us. For some of us this is much easier than others. For people like myself, who have held tight to that planner since 10, we’re having a harder time.
In a way, I think it’s good that the future makes us nervous. It’s like a first date, if there aren’t any butterflies, then were probably not going to go out with that person again. So, if were not nervous, on some level, about whatever were doing or whatever direction were going in…then its probably isn’t worth pursuing. We can all agree that butterflies can make us momentarily uncomfortable– but they're usually a good sign.
So, although the unknown is scary and unnerving it also offers a myriad of opportunities. Things that are better than anything we could have planned.
Accepting this, may be the lesson were supposed to be learning. Bottom line, we cannot control life by planning it out, or budgeting the time in our days…because life just happens. The controlled environments of the school days are quickly approaching. We do not have to wait for something to look forward to, we can just create it. We are the makers of our own happiness. So, lets all make a little more effort to stop looking ahead (like we’ve been programmed to do) and start enjoying the present days…I think it will make finding our way and living in the moment a much easier task.
Initially this awareness is terrifying, I mean I'm totally not being dramatic when I say I am freaking out…but we should find comfort in the fact that, most 20something’s are all wandering around trying to find their own way too. Trying to figure out what it is we’re supposed to be filling our schedules with. Take comfort in knowing we are all together, you are not alone.
Being 20something is a time where we are forced to let go of the practice of living through our planners. We stop using them as a crutch and we see where the future takes us. For some of us this is much easier than others. For people like myself, who have held tight to that planner since 10, we’re having a harder time.
In a way, I think it’s good that the future makes us nervous. It’s like a first date, if there aren’t any butterflies, then were probably not going to go out with that person again. So, if were not nervous, on some level, about whatever were doing or whatever direction were going in…then its probably isn’t worth pursuing. We can all agree that butterflies can make us momentarily uncomfortable– but they're usually a good sign.
So, although the unknown is scary and unnerving it also offers a myriad of opportunities. Things that are better than anything we could have planned.
Accepting this, may be the lesson were supposed to be learning. Bottom line, we cannot control life by planning it out, or budgeting the time in our days…because life just happens. The controlled environments of the school days are quickly approaching. We do not have to wait for something to look forward to, we can just create it. We are the makers of our own happiness. So, lets all make a little more effort to stop looking ahead (like we’ve been programmed to do) and start enjoying the present days…I think it will make finding our way and living in the moment a much easier task.
It’s all about perspective… The blank pages and open dates should be invigorating not scary.
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