change of thinking

I have a problem,

a big, major problem.

I use to think that I was a sweet person, you know a genuinely good person, but I have come to realize that I actually placed way too much emphasis on the superficial and ultimately unattainable.

I always wanted more and more

and I enjoyed being a part of a society that prioritizes beauty and wealth over knowledge, wisdom and authenticity.

And I don’t know how I got to that point because I was not raised that way.

But for a few years I fell into that trap.

What I have come to find though is fashion is fun, but it is a tool of capitalism, and really detracts from the true happiness in life like love and just living in every moment, which is funny because I thought I was a romantic yet I couldn’t quite grasp this concept.

But I have realized I am changing. You don't need to live in a castle, wear expensive dresses and eat expensive cake to be happy.

It's a state of mind.

I have been blessed but I still understand human nature and have had the opportunity to explore philosophy and have looked at the state of the world where "riches" and indulgences have brought the most unfortunate in a capitalist society, I have seen that there is a dark side to this so called American-dream Fairytale and I find it ignorant when people don't want to see that side of suffering.

I wish I lived in a world where people craved real things,

and didn't care so much about looks and money.

I wish that I would have been this way my whole life, so now I am trying to be more realistic because I might not have ended up so disappointed and depressed about this world I always turned my head from.

I’m turning away from the fakeness and the superficial starting now.

This is real life in its raw form, things being given and taken away, pain exists, it’s real. And it hurts and it sucks and it exists, but I know we have the ability to help take pain away from even just a few, and that’s all I wanna do, so I will.